This morning as I was reading my devotions in John Chapter 11, I really asked the Lord to speak to my heart as I read. I put myself into the story and began to think about the scene and how each of the people must have felt in the story, when I began to ponder how Mary and Martha must have felt when they called for Jesus to come and he didn't come and their brother died. I thought they must have felt like Jesus didn't care enough to come when they called.
I read in Vs 20 how that when Jesus finally did come that Mary sat still in the house. Vs 20 Then Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming went and met him: but Mary sat still in the house.
I read how when he did come Martha ran to Jesus and even spoke those words. Vs. 21 Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.
Each one responded differently when Jesus finally did come. Then I began to ponder my own actions when things do not go as I think they should. Do I run to the Lord and ask him why?, or do I just sit and ponder how things should have been?
Martha went to the Lord and spoke to him and told him that she knew if he hadst been there her brother would not have died, she also told him that whatsoever thou wilt ask of God, God will give it thee. Even through all the adversity Martha was still claiming truth and in the next couple of verses Christ spoke more truth to her about him being her Savior. Oh when we get a good glimpse of who our Savior really is, it will help us to go on and also encourage others to go on.
I believe our lack of faith keeps us from running to the Lord. We get defeated and we think what is the use, the situtation is too big or to far gone. (Lazarus was dead for goodness sake!)
I thought as I read on when Martha ran back to the house, she told Mary that The Master is come and calleth for her. No where did I read that Jesus told Martha that he wanted to see Mary, but I believe Martha got some help by just hearing the Lord that she knew Mary needed to hear him too.
Maybe Mary felt like the Lord didn't care about her, maybe she felt angry that he didn't come when they called for him, maybe she had lost some of her faith in him since he didn't come when he called, I do not know why Mary stayed in the house and didn't run to Jesus like Martha did, but once Martha told Mary that Jesus calleth for her, Vs 29.. she arose quickly, and came unto him.
Sometimes we just need to be reminded that the Lord wants us to come to him.
In verse 32, as soon as Mary saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.
Maybe one of the reasons Mary did not come to Jesus is that she was ashamed at what was truly in her heart, but we see here that as soon as she came to him, her heart was revealed. Do we not go to the Lord, because we are ashamed? I think I have been guilty.
You know as I read about how Jesus responded to Mary, He didn't rebuke her for her feelings, He didn't condemn her, He had compassion on her situation, then He fixed it.
How many times do we carry our burdens without taking them to the one that can fix them. He is moved with compassion, he understands our situations of not understanding, and he wants to help us with those burdens.
Are you a Martha, that runs to Jesus even when you do not understand the situation, and claim scripture?
Are you a Mary that sits and ponders what could have been, or what should have been?
In the next Chapter verse 3 Then took Mary a pound of ointment of spikenard, very costly, and anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped his feet with her hair: and the house was filled with the odour of the ointment.
I believe that through this whole trial that we read about in Chapter 11, Mary learned something about her Savior that she didn't know before and we find that she had a greater love for him and worshiped him with her whole heart. SHE SEEN JESUS RAISE LAZARUS FROM THE DEAD! Is anything to hard for God? I believe through that trial it made her love him more because she knew more about who he is through her time of suffering.
THAT I MAY KNOW HIM, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;
I can relate to this whole story and as I read this chapter this morning my heart broke and the tears began to flow as I saw myself being a Mary. I have allowed at times my heart to question what the Lord is doing in our lives, I have at times walked away from him not wanting to go to him for the shame that I felt in my heart about how I have allowed my heart to be upset with this situation that we are in.
It has been 14 months since we have had NO INCOME! My husband has filed for disability and cannot work, He has the medical card which is much needed for all his medical needs and if I work he looses that, we have literally been backed into a corner to trust the Lord. I will say that our bills are paid enough to get us through each month without loosing everything, he has suppplied our every (NEED).
I do not understand why we have gone through all of this, but I do know one thing, I have learned more about my savior's love for me than I have ever known before.
He has shown me that he loves me and will take care of me and even hug me when I need hugs. This has been a hard year for us, and at times I am rather ashamed at how I have acted, but I would never change anything that I have gone through.
I have a greater appreciation for who God is, I have stronger faith in him and his promises than I ever have, My favorite verse has been put to the fire.
1:2 In hope of eternal life which God that cannot lie, promised before the world began.
I know more today that My God Cannot lie than I have ever known before.
When I see the compassion that the Lord had on Mary and Martha and was moved to tears, it made me know that the Lord feels that same way about me when he sees me struggling and hurting. I am so thankful for a God that cares and weeps for me and is moved with compassion.
So after much consideration I realize that I am often a Mary, but I desire so strongly to be a Martha.
Who are you?